The X-Men Get The Blues (The SEQUEL!)
by fuzzyblue
Summary: The X-Men are forced to play the Blue's Clues characters on the final episode of that show! This story is COMPLETE and there are eight chapters total. Please R&R! Rating is for mild violence.
1. Default Chapter

SUMMARY: In the first story, The X-Men Get The Blues, (which I highly recommend that you read before reading this one) the X-Men ended up killing most of the Blue's Clues characters. Now they have to fill in for them so the director can film the final episode of Blue's Clues.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the X-men characters as they are the sole property of Marvel (darn it!). I do not own Blue's Clues or any of its characters as they are the property of Nick Jr. (and they can have 'em!). All songs mentioned can be considered as being quoted from the show.  
  
WARNING: This story contains a heck of a lot of Scott bashing. Also, I apologize beforehand for how Hank is portrayed. I love that man to death but I just could not resist the potential pun.  
  
  
THE X-MEN GET THE BLUES, THE SEQUEL  
  
  
We begin the madness on the Blue's Clues set at Nicklelodeon studios.  
  
CYCLOPS: Explain to me again why we're doing this?  
  
JEAN (sighing): Because Nick Jr. is ticked off about us offing all the cast members, and they've got to have somebody to stand in so they can film the final episode.  
  
JUBILEE (whining): Why do I have ta be the cat? He's still alive!  
  
JEAN: Yes, but since you had him neutered and his vocal cords cut, he can't act on the show!  
  
JUBILEE: But I can't jabber nearly as much as Perriwinkle!  
  
WOLVERINE: I wouldn't bet on that, darlin'.  
  
JUBILEE: Wolvie!  
  
BEAST: I concur. Why must I play the part of the cerulean canine? As I recall, she is still very much alive.  
  
JEAN: And very much missing. Nobody has seen her since she left the mansion. Besides, you're already blue. No one was willing to be painted, except Mystique, but we don't know where she is either.   
  
CYCLOPS: Yeah, you're blue, Blue! Hee hee. Don't you get it?  
  
BEAST: Scott, why don't you purchase a ticket and take an express train straight to the proverbial Nether Regions, hmmmmm?  
  
CYCLOPS: What'd he just say?  
  
JEAN: He told you to go to Hell.  
  
CYCLOPS: WHAT?! Why that....!!!  
  
JEAN: SCOTT!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: Oh...yeah..right...fine.  
  
DIRECTOR: Sigh. Alright, for the tenth time, lights, camera, action!  
  
On the screen, we can see a yellow house with a red roof and a chimney. We see a path leading up to the house and a green bush, which Hank is crouched behind. He's supposed to be hiding behind it, but the bush is just too small. Scott pokes his head out of the window.  
  
CYCLOPS: Er...hi, kids. Have you seen my..er..dog, Blue?  
  
BEAST (very dejectedly): woof.  
  
KIDS: There she is!!!  
  
BEAST: Hold on just one minute! I must whole-heartedly object! I am NOT a SHE...  
  
JEAN: Just go with the script...  
  
BEAST: But Jean, this is too much! First they insult my intelligence and countenance by casting me as a verbally challenged pooch, then they insult my manhood...  
  
Jean tweaks his synapses.  
  
BEAST: Ouch!!! Alright, alright...let's just get this over with.  
  
DIRECTOR: Sigh. Take eleven...  
  
CYCLOPS: Have you seen my dog, Blue?  
  
KIDS: We told you already, she's over there!!!  
  
BEAST (even more dejectedly): woof.  
  
Hank attempts to jump through the doggy-door, knocking the door off its hinges.  
  
CYCLOPS: Oomphh!!  
  
The camera zooms in on the door. Cyclops heaves it off his chest and stands up. We now see Cyclops standing there wearing a green striped shirt and a green striped visor.  
  
CYCLOPS: Uh...hi kids...er...yeah. Hmmm. I'm Steve, and this here is my dog, Blue.  
  
Scott points to Hank. Hank just rolls his eyes heavenward.  
  
CYCLOPS: Blue might look a little different from when you last saw her, but I can assure you she's still the same lovable blue mutt on the inside.  
  
BEAST (low growl): Feast upon my boxers, visor-boy!  
  
Scott ignored the insult.  
  
CYCLOPS: Blue and I were just talking about how sad it is that this is going to be the very last show...  
  
BEAST (muttering): Although they'll probably be showing reruns of it for the next ten years.   
  
DIRECTOR: Blue CAN'T TALK! Capiche?!  
  
CYCLOPS: Anyways, we were also talking about what we should do to make it extra-special, weren't we Blue?  
  
Hank simply nodded.  
  
DIRECTOR: You're supposed to say, bow wow!  
  
BEAST: But I recall you stating quite clearly that I, as Blue, cannot speak.  
  
DIRECTOR: Just say it!  
  
BEAST: bow wow (then under his breath) that truckload of twinkies they promised me had better be in the driveway when I get back to the mansion or someone's going to pay dearly for this.  
  
CYCLOPS: So, Blue, what are we going to do today?  
  
Hank bounds up and smacks his hand against the screen, attempting to place a pawprint on it. He ends up smashing the camera lens and knocking the camera guy to the ground.  
  
BEAST: Oops! Oh, my! I offer you my sincerest apologies for my ineptitude.  
  
Hank helps the man back onto his feet.  
  
DIRECTOR (massaging his temples): That's okay, Beast. Just keep going. We'll use computers to put the pawprint up later.  
  
BEAST: If you say so.  
  
CYCLOPS: Oh. Blue wants to play Blue's Clues to find out what we're going to do today to make this episode extra-special.  
  
DIRECTOR: Cut! Okay Scott, try that again with some enthusiasm, okay?  
  
CYCLOPS (same tone): Okay. Blue wants to play Blue's Clues to find out...  
  
DIRECTOR: I said, 'with enthusiasm'!  
  
CYCLOPS (same tone): Okay. Blue wants to play Blue's Clues...  
  
DIRECTOR: Argh! Forget it and just do the little dance, okay?  
  
Scott begins to blush.  
  
CYCLOPS (sheepishly): Do I have to?  
  
JEAN: Oh, yes Scott! Please do it! You'll look soooo cute!  
  
Sighing resignedly, Scott does a shimmying little dance as he sings.  
  
CYCLOPS: We are gonna play Blue's Clues, we are gonna play Blue's Clues, we are gonna play Blue's Clues, I wonder where they are?   
  
A loud thud is heard off-camera. Apparently, Wolverine collapsed to the floor, nearly hyperventilating from laughter.  
  
DIRECTOR (gulping down some Tylenol): Alright people, we'll take a 10 minute break and start on the next scene.  
  
  
* * *  
  
Note to first time readers: This story is complete. There are eight chapters total. Enjoy!!! 


	2. Chapter two

You wanted more, so here's more!  
  
SCENE TWO. (I apologize for my insanity. Then again, I never did claim I was sane, now did I?)  
  
  
  
DIRECTOR: Alright Scott, are you clear on what you're supposed to do?  
  
CYCLOPS: Yes. I'm supposed to get the notebook from Side Table Drawer.  
  
DIRECTOR: Hallelujah! Alright, let's get this scene over with. Lights, camera, action!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: Okay kids, you know what we need to play Blue's Clues with, don't you?  
  
KIDS: Your notebook!  
  
CYCLOPS: Right, my notebook. Let's just go over to Side Table Drawer and get our....  
  
pause. pause. pause.  
  
DIRECTOR: Yes, go on.   
  
CYCLOPS: Do I HAVE to say 'handy dandy'? It's just so lame!  
  
BEAST (under his breath): Just like you?  
  
DIRECTOR (slumping in his chair): Yes Scott, you HAVE to say handy dandy. It's in the script.   
  
CYCLOPS: But how about, 'extremely useful', or 'nicely bound', or...  
  
JEAN: SCOTT!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: Alright, alright! Okay kids, let's go get our 'handy dandy' notebook.  
  
Scott jogs up to Professor X who is sitting by the thinking chair.  
  
CYCLOPS: Side Table Drawer, can we have our notebook please?  
  
PROFESSOR (with huge fake smile plastered on his face): Sure Steve! I just LOVE Blue's Clues!  
  
The professor whips out the notebook and hands it to Scott.  
  
CYCLOPS: Gee thanks Side Ta...er...where were you hiding that notebook, Professor? You don't have a drawer.  
  
PROFESSOR (still with fake smile): You don't wanna know.  
  
DIRECTOR: CUT!!! For the last time, STICK WITH THE SCRIPT, PEOPLE!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: Oh, sorry. Anyway, now we have our 'handy dandy' notebook to play Blue's Clues with!  
  
PROFESSOR: Did I mention just how much I LOVE Blue's Clues?  
  
DIRECTOR: CUT!!! You said that already!   
  
PROFESSOR: But it's the only line I've got! Can't you give me just a few more lines?  
  
BEAST (grumbling): At least you CAN talk.  
  
DIRECTOR: Just sit there like a good little piece of furniture and don't say a thing, ALRIGHT?!  
  
PROFESSOR (sulkily): Fine.  
  
DIRECTOR: Can we PLEASE continue without any more unnecessary improvisations?  
  
A chorus of mumbling compliances fills the stage.  
  
DIRECTOR: GOOD! Now on to the next scene!  
  
Scott and Hank are now in the kitchen.   
  
CYCLOPS: Hi Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper! How are you today?  
  
We see Bobby crouched behind the table, a sock puppet on each hand. He's making the puppets talk with a very crappy french accent in high-pitched squeaky voices, and is also having one hell of time trying not to laugh.  
  
ICEMAN (Mr. Salt): Allo...mmph...Steve and Blue!  
(Mrs. Pepper): Bonjour, Steve...mmph...and Blue!  
  
BEAST (whispering): One more smirk and you will sorely regret it, Robert!  
  
ICEMAN (whispering): But I'm 'smirking' at Scott!  
  
BEAST (still whispering): Oh! Then by all means, smirk away!  
  
CYCLOPS: I heard that!  
  
DIRECTOR: Shut-up, Scott! I TOLD you to stick with the script!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: But...but...it wasn't my fault...!  
  
JEAN: SCOTT!!  
  
DIRECTOR: Just get on with it! (looks around) Now where's Paprika?  
  
Behind the stage, we see Rogue wearing a bonnet and sporting an oversized baby bottle.   
  
ROGUE: Why do ah have ta play the l'il brat?  
  
GAMBIT (trying to coax her): But chere, you perfect for de part!  
  
Rogue glares dangerously at him.  
  
GAMBIT (adding hastily): 'Cause you so cute an' pretty, an' dem big, green eyes would melt anyone's heart, chere!  
  
ROGUE: Ah sugah, that was sweet o' ya ta say! Alright, ah'll do it!  
  
GAMBIT (breathing a sigh of relief and muttering under his breath): An' you play de brat 'cause no one dare laugh at YOU, chere.  
  
Rogue flies onto the stage.  
  
DIRECTOR (holding a REALLY BIG cup of extra-strong coffee): There you are! Finally! Now let's get this show on the...   
  
PROFESSOR (from off-camera): Did I mention just HOW MUCH I LOVE....  
  
DIRECTOR: JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!  
  
Everyone votes to take a ten minute break to give a chance for the director to calm down (and for me to think about what happens next).  
  
* * * 


	3. chapter 3

Here's more 'cause you guys wanted more! (Man, you sure are masochistic, aren't ya?)  
Seriously though, I really appreciate your reviews! They are very encouraging and give me incentive to write more! Thanks!!!  
  
  
WARNING: Even though the entire story averages a PG-13 rating, this one chapter alone deserves an R rating because of the Jerry Springer content. (Don't worry, there's no swearing!)  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Jerry Springer (what a disgusting thought!). I also do not watch that show, but I've read enough fanfic parodies that I've got a pretty good grasp on how the show goes. I'm also shamelessy parodying Wierd Al Yankovic's Springer Parody, 'Too Much Jerry Springer'.  
  
Once again, I do not claim sanity. If I ever had it, no one bothered to tell me. *sigh*   
  
  
  
Everybody is still on that 10 minute break. Bobby is alone on the kitchen set with the Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper sock puppets. He has also arranged various other condiments on the table.  
  
ICEMAN (to nobody in particular): Today, live on Jerry Springer, Spices with Vices!!!! Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!   
  
Bobby shakes the table a little so that the various condiments will look like a cheering crowd (or an angry mob - there's not really much difference when it comes to Springer).  
  
ICEMAN: Today's guests have been on the Blue's Clues show for the last couple of years, but they are not the happy little family that they would have you believe them to be! What goes on behind the scenes? We'll find out today! Now, let's meet our guests, Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper!!!!  
  
Bobby makes the sock puppets march up onto the table and sit down on little sardine tin chairs.  
  
ICEMAN: We'll start with you, Mr. Salt. You claim that your wife, Mrs. Pepper, has been cheating on you?  
  
MR. SALT PUPPET: Yes I do!   
  
ICEMAN: Do you have any proof?  
  
MR. SALT PUPPET: Zink about eet, Mistair Springer! 'Ow do you get paprika from salt an' pepper? Eet just does not make senze!  
  
ICEMAN: What is your response to your husband's accusation, Mrs. Pepper?  
  
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: 'E is a lying [BEEP]! I 'ave nevair cheated on 'im! 'E is the two timing [BEEP]!!  
  
(Yes, Bobby is actually making the BEEP sounds.)  
  
ICEMAN: Calm down, Mrs. Pepper, and please watch your language!  
  
MR. SALT PUPPET: Yeah, you fat [BEEP]! Watch your beeg mouth!  
  
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: You watch YOUR beeg mouth, mistair! 'Ow dare you accuze moi of cheating when my best frrriend admitted that you slept with 'er!!  
  
Bobby makes the appropriate audience sounds.  
  
MR. SALT PUPPET: Alright! I admit eet! I slept wiz your best frrriend, but only because Blue caught you sleeping wiz ze parsley!  
  
More audience sounds as Bobby shakes the table more vigorously.  
  
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: I slept wiz ze parsley cause you are so louzy in ze bed!  
  
ICEMAN: Oooh, that was a low blow! (No pun intended)  
  
MR. SALT PUPPET: Oh, yeah?! Well, I 'ave also been sleeping wiz your sistair, Cayenne!  
  
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: Gasp!  
  
MR. SALT PUPPET: And your other best frrriend, Thyme!  
  
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: Oh, yeah?! Well, I 'ave been sleeping wiz your brothair, SeaSalt! And ze ketchup, and ze mayonnaise, and even ze barbecue sauce!  
  
MR. SALT PUPPET: YOU [BEEP] [BEEP] [BEEP]!!! Well, I'm going to start sleeping wiz ze mustaird!  
  
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: Dat mustaird doesn't love you!  
  
Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper pause suddenly at the mention of the word, 'love'. They stare deeply into each other's sewn-on button eyes.  
  
MR. SALT PUPPET: 'Ow could I forget just 'ow beeauteeful your eyes are?  
  
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: 'An 'ow could I forget just 'ow handzome your eyes are?  
  
The two puppets suddenly run into each other's...er...arms, and start making out passionately all over the table...  
  
ROGUE: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOIN' BOBBY?!!!  
  
Bobby proceeds to jump six feet into the air from shock and hides the puppets behind his back as he lands.  
  
ICEMAN: Er..uh..er...  
  
ROGUE: Were those puppets doin' what ah think they were doin'?!  
  
ICEMAN: Er..uh...that depends. What did you think they were doing?  
  
ROGUE: You are one sick puppy, Bobby. Ah'm gonna pretend ah didn't see any o' this!  
  
ICEMAN: But it was all in the interest of science!  
  
ROGUE: What the hell does your playin' with perverted puppets got to do with science?  
  
ICEMAN: Don't you want to know where you come from?  
  
ROGUE: Come again?  
  
ICEMAN: You, as in Baby Paprika! Where do baby spices come from? You certainly don't think the stork delivers them, do you?  
  
ROGUE: Ah'm also gonna pretend that we ain't havin' this conversation, Bobby.  
  
DIRECTOR (with icepack on forehead, otherwise seemingly recovered from stress): Alright everybody! Quiet on the set! We're going to film the next scene!  
  
* * *  
  
For the sake of your sanity (which I have permanently warped already) don't ask me where this came from. I don't know, I don't wanna know (and quite frankly, it scares me). 


	4. chapter 4

Well, here's the next section. Not as good as the last one, though. I had to hold my muse at gun point to draw this section out of him. I hope you enjoy it anyways!   
  
  
CYCLOPS: Hello, Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper! Have you seen any clues lying around today?   
  
MR. SALT PUPPET: No, we 'ave not seen any cluez, Steve!   
  
MRS. PEPPER PUPPET: But I zink Baby Paprika saw one earlier, didn't you, Paprika?   
  
ROGUE: Ah can't believe ah'm doin' this...   
  
DIRECTOR (waving a sheaf of papers): The script, people! The script!!!!   
  
ROGUE: Goo.   
  
Half the people manage to hold back the laughter. There is a brief pause in filming as the other half are dealt with soundly by Rogue. Bandages are passed around, and the scene continues.   
  
CYCLOPS (with a swollen lip): Could you please tell me where the clue is, Paprika?   
  
ROGUE (shaking her head vigourously): GOO!!   
  
MR. SALT PUPPET: I zink she wants to play a game to find out where ze first clue iz, Steve!   
  
CYCLOPS (sarcastically): WONderful. Alright Paprika, what's the game you want to play?   
  
Rogue points to the fridge. There is a piece of paper on it, upon which are written a bunch of sentences. Each sentence ends with a blank line that must be filled in with the appropriate answer.   
  
CYCLOPS: Okay, Paprika, how do we play?   
  
KIDS: Fill in the blanks, moron!   
  
CYCLOPS: Who're you calling a moron?   
  
Rogue slams Scott up the side of his head with the baby bottle.   
  
CYCLOPS: OWWWWCH!!!   
  
CYCLOPS (to the director): Hey!! That wasn't in the script? Why didn't you say anything?   
  
DIRECTOR: Cause I liked it! I think we'll add it in. Continue the scene please!   
  
CYCLOPS (whining): But that's not fair!   
  
JEAN: Scott....   
  
CYCLOPS: But...but...   
  
JEAN: SCOTT!!!!   
  
CYCLOPS: Fine! Let's just play the stupid game so I can find out where to find the first stupid clue, okay?   
  
BEAST (under his breath): A truly limited vocabulary, I daresay.   
  
Anyways, they play the game and find out that the first clue is in the living room. After walking in place for a while, they magically appear in said room, and we're on to the next scene!   
  
CYCLOPS: Oh, here's our first clue!   
  
DIRECTOR: CUT!   
  
CYCLOPS: What did I do wrong this time?!   
  
DIRECTOR: You're supposed to wait for the children to point it out first!   
  
CYCLOPS: But it's right there!   
  
DIRECTOR: Just pretend you don't see it, ALRIGHT?   
  
CYCLOPS: Fine. Ho, hum, where's that darn clue?   
  
KIDS: There it is!!!   
  
CYCLOPS (monotone): Where? I don't see it.   
  
KIDS: There! THERE!   
  
CYCLOPS (monotone): Oh. There it is. Yay. Now what do we do?   
  
KIDS: Write it down in the notebook!   
  
CYCLOPS: If you guys know all this stuff already, why aren't YOU narrating the show?   
  
JEAN: SCOTT!!   
  
CYCLOPS: Fine. (pulling out notebook) Now what was our first clue again?   
  
KIDS: A balloon!   
  
CYCLOPS: Right. A balloon. Now let's draw it in the notebook.   
  
Scott proceeds to draw a balloon in the notebook. Twenty minutes later, he's still trying.   
  
KIDS: That doesn't look like a balloon!   
  
CYCLOPS: It is too a balloon!   
  
BEAST (looking over Scott's shoulder): No, I must agree with the children. It looks more like a squirrel who became intimate with the wheel of a truck.   
  
CYCLOPS: It's a balloon, dammit!!!   
  
DIRECTOR (pounding his forehead with his fist): Just say it's a balloon and leave it! Let's just move on before I suffer a major aneurysm, ALRIGHT?!!!   
  
Another chorus of grumbling compliances sweeps over the stage.   
  
DIRECTOR: Okay...alright...everything's going to be okay..   
  
(He's saying this more to himself than to anyone in particular.)   
  
* * *   
  
Well, do you still want more? If ya do, just say so and I'll set my muse to work...hey?...where did he go? (I look around...he's cowering in the corner) Ah-hah!! (I lunge after him, he escapes from my grasp and bolts down the hall). Hmmm..er...this my take a while folks... 


	5. chapter 5

Yay! Chapter 5 is finished! (grumbling is heard from the corner of the room) I look over to my muse, who I've managed to bind and gag. What's wrong with you? I ask. He gives me a searing gaze. Aaaaaanyways, on with the insanity!!!  
  
DIRECTOR: Alright everybody, get ready to film the skeedoo scene.  
  
CYCLOPS: Skeedoo scene? What's the skeedoo scene?  
  
DIRECTOR (pounding his forehead with his clipboard): Will someone PLEASE explain to this idiot what the skeedoo scene is?! I can't take this anymore!!!  
  
There is a bit of time out as Jean and Hank explain to Scott just what skeedooing is all about. Finally, I wave my magic wand and PooF! we're at the skeedoo scene!  
  
CYCLOPS: Blue skeedoed we can....wait a minute.  
  
DIRECTOR (the arms of his chair are splintering where he's grasping them): NOW what?  
  
CYCLOPS: Let me get this straight. I'm supposed to magically jump into this picture simply by saying a stupid little rhyme?  
  
BEAST (whispering): No, you simpleton! All you have to do is make the motion of jumping toward the picture. The computer animators will take care of the rest!  
  
CYCLOPS: Oh, okay.  
  
DIRECTOR (sucking down Pepto Bismol): Alright, try again.  
  
Beast twirls around in a little circle and jumps toward the picture frame.   
  
BEAST: See? That's all you have to do, Scott.  
  
CYCLOPS: Okay. Blue skeedoed, we can too!  
  
Scott jumps toward the picture, smacks into the wall and drops to the floor, unconscious.  
  
ENTIRE CREW: Moron!!!   
  
Another short break is taken as we wait for Cyclops to regain consciousness. In the next scene, we are in that picture they supposedly skeedoed into.  
  
CYCLOPS: Gee! I wonder where we are, Blue....oooomph!!!  
  
Scott is knocked to the ground and looks up to see Jubilee sitting on his chest, wearing cat ears.   
  
CYCLOPS: Just what the heck do you think you're doing?!  
  
Jubilee gets up onto her feet and starts jumping up and down insanely on his chest.  
  
JUBILEE: I'm not Jubilee! I'm Perriwinkle! Wanna play a game, huh? Huh? HUH?  
  
CYCLOPS: Ow! OW! OWWWW! @#$%&%@##!!!!!   
  
KIDS: GASP!!!  
  
JUBILEE: Aw, you're no fun.  
  
DIRECTOR: CUT! CUT!!! WE DON'T USE THAT TYPE OF LANGUAGE ON A KIDS SHOW!!  
  
Jubilee hops off Scott's chest and bounces over to Hank.  
  
JUBILEE: Wanna play a game? Huh? HUH?  
  
BEAST: Er...what exactly has gotten into you, my dear?  
  
JUBILEE: Aw, you're no fun, either.  
  
DIRECTOR: I SAID CUT!!!  
  
Jubilee proceeds to bounce allover the stage, making little fireworks displays while 'oooing' and 'aweing' about the 'pretty colours'.  
  
DIRECTOR: What the heck is wrong with her?!!!  
  
ROGUE (sheepishly): Ah think it's mah fault...  
  
DIRECTOR (nearly foaming at the mouth): HOW?!  
  
ROGUE: Well, Jubes wasn't sure she was hyper enough to play Perriwinkle, so...  
  
DIRECTOR (suddenly eerily calm): Yeeeeeesss, go on.  
  
ROGUE: So I kinda gave her a cup o' coffee, ya know, to give her a little boost o' energy.  
  
DIRECTOR (rubbing his temples): And where did you get this coffee?  
  
ROGUE: That coffee pot over on the table.  
  
DIRECTOR: The one labelled 'director only'?  
  
ROGUE (even more sheephishly): Yeah.  
  
DIRECTOR: The pot labelled 'director only' which is filled with extra-strong, mocha-chino latte with a double shot of sugar?  
  
ROGUE: Yeah......uh oh.  
  
JUBILEE: Woo-hoo!!! Woo-hoo!!! Woo-hoo!  
  
BEAST: I fear we may have to sedate her...  
  
DIRECTOR: Will somebody catch her, please?!  
  
CYCLOPS: Hey! I'M the leader around here...oooommmphh!!  
  
Scott is once again knocked to the ground as Jubilee flies past, arms spread out and making airplane noises.  
  
Twenty minutes lapse as the X-Men try to pin her down. Hank even goes so far as to try and use the tablecloth as a net, but is unsuccessful. Finally, Bobby is forced to freeze her solid and they prop her up in the corner to thaw out.  
  
* * *  
  
Sorry for taking so long to get this chapter written. I made a rather useful discovery: do not attempt to write a sillific and a serious story at the same time (A Tail of Two Beasts). It just knocks the insanity right outta ya. Anyways, at least I've got my muse under control (I look over to the corner and see some rope and a gag lying on the floor) Aw, crap! Excuse me, folks! I got a little huntin' to do, and I ain't lookin' for wabbits! 


	6. chapter 6 (original or what?)

Thanks for the encouraging reviews! I'm glad you all like MY story....ouch! I turn to glare at my muse, who has just kicked me in the shin. He glares back at me - his scalp is wrapped entirely in a bandage. (It was an accident, honest! There were no mallets involved! Right, Ice Princess?) Aaaanywaaays...let the insanity continue!  
  
CHAPTER 6: And the insanity continues...  
  
DIRECTOR (seems to have developed a rather severe eye-twitch): Alright, people! Are we absolutely finished with all the improvisations, stupidity and the caffeine-induced insanity?!  
  
There is some shoulder shrugging and eye-rolling, but generally, everyone agrees. There is a lot of dripping from Jubilee, but everyone just ignores it.  
  
DIRECTOR (twitch.....twitch.....twitch): Okay, then. If there aren't going to be anymore interruptions, we'll get on....yes, Bobby?  
  
Bobby is frantically waving his hand in the air and bouncing up and down excitedly.  
  
ICEMAN: Oh! Oh! Oh! I've got a question, Mr. Director, sir!  
  
DIRECTOR (twitch..twitch..twitch): Yeessss, and what is it?  
  
ICEMAN: Didn't any of the Blue's Clues guys realize that when Mr. Salt or Mr. Pepper sprinkled salt or pepper on their food, that they were actually eating salt and pepper shaker dandruff?  
  
DIRECTOR (twitchtwitchtwitchtwitch): ......?!  
  
Hank placed a hand on Bobby's shoulder.  
  
BEAST: Robert, I think you had better leave the poor man alone before he bursts a blood vessel.  
  
ICEMAN (pouting): I guess you're right.  
  
DIRECTOR (twitchtwitch..twitch....twitch......twitch): Alright, that's better. Now, get ready to film the bathroom scene.  
  
CYCLOPS: Hey, kids! Let's go visit our friend, Slippery Soap!  
  
Scott and Hank once again walk in place for a few seconds, and arrive at the bathroom.  
  
CYCLOPS: Hi, Slipp.....JEAN???!!!  
  
Jean is relaxing in the bathtub, covered with bubbles.  
  
BEAST: Oh, my!  
  
WOLVERINE: Now THIS is more like it!  
  
GAMBIT: Can Gambit be de shampoo?  
  
ROGUE: REMYYYY!!!!  
  
GAMBIT: Uh-oh. Au revoir, mes amis!!  
  
Gambit bolts off the stage and out of site with Rogue hot on his heels.  
  
JEAN: I'm wearing a bathing suit, guys! YEEESH! This is a kid's show, remember!  
  
BEAST: Thank goodness!  
  
WOLVERINE: Darnit.  
  
CYCLOPS: Whew. You had me worried there for a moment, Jean.  
  
DIRECTOR: Yeah. That's nice. NOW GET ON WITH IT!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: Oh, yeah, right. Hi, Slippery! Do you know where the second clue is?  
  
WOLVERINE (from off-camera): If it's in the tub, I'll help ya look for it.  
  
DIRECTOR: It IS NOT in the TUB! Now BE QUIET or else...  
  
WOLVERINE (*snikt*): Or else what, Bub?  
  
DIRECTOR (meekly): Oh..er..nothing.   
  
JEAN: Yes Steve, I know where the next clue is. But you've got to play a game to find out.  
  
WOLVERINE (off-camera): Count me in, Red.  
  
ICEMAN (off-camera): Oh! Oh! Can I play, too?  
  
PROFESSOR (off-camera): I wanna play, too!  
  
They all look at him.   
  
PROFESSOR: What?! I'm bored!  
  
BEAST: Please, please forgive me for saying this, professor, but I think the unanimous response to your desire to 'play' is...well...eeeeeeeeewwwwww!  
  
PROFESSOR (sulkily): You guys get to have all the fun...  
  
DIRECTOR: CUT! CUT!! CUT!!! THE SCENE, PEOPLE! LET'S GET IT OVER WITH! AND BLUE, QUIT TALKING!!!  
  
BEAST: woof. (then under his breath) Fluent in over thirteen languages and all I get to say is 'woof'?  
  
They play the game (the nature of which I'll leave up to you to decide) and learn that one of the last two clues is in the backyard. But before they make it out the door, we hear:  
  
IT'S MAIIILLLTIIIMMMEEE!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: It's mailtime! C'mon, Blue!  
  
BEAST: woof.  
  
Scott and Hank rush to the living room, where they wait for mailbox to appear. And they wait. And they wait some more.  
  
DIRECTOR: WHERE THE HELL IS MAILBOX?!  
  
ROGUE: Pssst! Remy! It's your turn!  
  
GAMBIT: But Remy don' wanna sing de stupid song!  
  
ROGUE: Jus' do it, or else!  
  
GAMBIT: Or else what, chere?  
  
Gambit takes one look at Rogue's blazing eyes and hustles his butt onto the stage.  
  
GAMBIT (singing...somewhat): I de mail...I never fail...I make you wan' to wag your tail...when I come......dis be one obscene song!  
  
JEAN: GAMBIT!!!  
  
GAMBIT (really, really fast): ...when I come you wanna wail...MAAAIIILLLL!!!  
  
DIRECTOR: Cut!!!!  
  
JEAN: What's wrong?  
  
DIRECTOR: Cyclops was supposed to be singing with him!  
  
GAMBIT: Ain't no way Remy doin' dat again!  
  
ROGUE (menacing tone): Gambit...  
  
Scott and Remy re-do the song. When they're done, Scott sits down in the thinking chair. Remy tosses the envelope in Scott's face as if it were a playing card and storms off the stage.  
  
CYCLOPS: Ouch! Oh, look boys and girls, it's a letter from our friends!  
  
Scott proceeds to open the letter upside-down.   
  
PROFESSOR: *It's upside-down, moron!*  
  
CYCLOPS: Huh? Oh, yeah...  
  
He turns it right-side up.   
  
In the envelope, we see a bunch of kids at what looks like a birthday party. They turn to wave at us.  
  
CHILD 1: Hey! You're not Steve!  
  
CYCLOPS: Yes I am!  
  
CHILD 1: No, you're not!  
  
CHILD 2: Yeah! The real Steve doesn't look as dorky as you!  
  
CYCLOPS: I am too...who're you calling dorky?!  
  
CHILD 3: C'mon guys! I think X-Men is playin' on TV!  
  
CYCLOPS: Wait a minute! I'M an X-Man...!!!  
  
CHILD 1: Dream on, loser!  
  
Cyclops' lower lip quivers as all the kids disappear into the house.   
  
DIRECTOR (blinking): Hmm...THAT was unexpected...  
  
A gust of wind knocks a party hat off the table and it falls out of the envelope and onto the floor.  
  
KIDS: A clue! A clue!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: sniff...sniffle...SOB!!!   
  
KIDS: IT'S A CLUUUUUUUUEEEEE!!!!  
  
JEAN: SCOTT!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: But they called me a loser, Jeannie!  
  
JEAN: Just get over it and get on with the show! I want to go home sometime before the next decade!  
  
BEAST: I whole-heartedly concur with Jean, as I myself find the anticipation of returning home to a truckload of golden, cream-filled delights is nearly too much for me to endure!  
  
GAMBIT: Yeah! Enough wit' de whinin' an' more wit' de talkin', homme!  
  
WOLVERINE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....  
  
KIDS: Yeah!!! Quit cryin' already! We wanna get home soon so we don't miss our favourite show on TV!  
  
ALL X-MEN: Huh?! Isn't THIS your favourite show?  
  
KIDS: What? Ya don't think we actually LIKE this show, do you? We get PAID to do this!  
  
ICEMAN: You guys are getting paid? Man, I gotta talk to the director about this...  
  
BEAST: I apologize, but I must interrupt this little discussion. Am I the only one who has noticed that our director-friend has not uttered a solitary syllable for the duration of this discussion?  
  
The X-Men all turn to look at the director, who has nearly slid out of his chair and is looking pale and rather...er...um...dead.  
  
ICEMAN: What the heck happened?!  
  
Hank examines the man to see if he can determine the cause of death.   
  
BEAST: It would seem that he has suffered a massive myocardial infarction.  
  
WOLVERINE: In English?  
  
BEAST: He had a heart attack.  
  
ICEMAN: Gee. I wonder what could have caused that?  
  
* * *  
  
Oh no! The director is DEAD! How will they go on? Will the last episode of Blue's Clues ever end? Tune in next time to find out on the final chapter (Thank God!) of X-Men Get the Blues, The Sequel!! (Which will appear as soon as my muse agrees to co-operate. I'm bribing him with Twinkies as we speak...)   
  
Acknowledgment goes out to sensor-girl for suggesting that Gambit play the role of mailbox. Apology goes out to Meeko for not using the suggestion of Gambit being the green puppy, but since green puppy wasn't in my first story, I didn't want to include him in this one. Thanks for making suggestions, though!  
  
By the way, how did you like this chapter? Reviews are always welcome and appreciated! 


	7. chapter 7

Hi! I'm baaaa-aaaack! I know I know. It's about time, you say. Sorry for the huge delay, but I'm kinda waaaaaaay behind in my studies and there's this nasty little thing called an exam sneaking up just around the corner. Sigh. Why can't professors understand that fanfic is waaaaaay more interesting than frog guts? Huh, what do you want? (I turn to my muse.) Oh. He wants to thank Selenity Longsword for the triple chocolate brownies. He says they were really good. Anyways, on with the insanity!  
  
  
CHAPTER 7: The End (er...not quite...PLEASE don't flame me!)  
  
  
ICEMAN: Alright, everybody! Quiet on the set! We've got a show to film, here! Stick to the script! Shut the fu...  
  
BEAST: What are you doing, Robert?  
  
ICEMAN: Well, since the director's dead, somebody has to replace him!  
  
BEAST: I take it you're volunteering for the job?  
  
ICEMAN: Heck yes!!!   
  
BEAST: Far be it for me to complain, but I do find it rather disturbing that you stripped the poor man's corpse of his director's hat and donned your own head with it.  
  
ICEMAN: But I gotta look the part! Besides, it's not like he's going to be using it anymore...  
  
JUBILEE: Why can't I be the director?  
  
ICEMAN: 'Cause your legs are still frozen and you won't finish thawing out until it's all over!  
  
JEAN: Neither of you is going to be the director!  
  
ICEMAN and JUBILEE: Aaaaawwwww.....  
  
BEAST: And just who do you have in mind, Jean? Assuming that you wish to continue this insane endeavour, of course.  
  
Scott walks up, chest puffed out and strutting like a peacock.  
  
JEAN: No, it's not you, Scott.  
  
Scott visibly deflates like a balloon.   
  
CYCLOPS (whining): But...but Jeannie! I'M the leader...!  
  
JEAN: Yes, but you're also Steve. You can't be both Steve and the director at the same time. That would be far too much for your little mind to handle and your brain would short-circuit, isn't that right?  
  
CYCLOPS (pouting): I guess so.  
  
JEAN: That's a good boy.  
  
The professor approaches in his hoverchair.  
  
PROFESSOR: I'm available to stand in for...  
  
BEAST: Then who IS going to be the new director?  
  
PROFESSOR: I'm sure I have all the qualifications to...  
  
JEAN: We need someone who just will not put up with all this crap.  
  
PROFESSOR: Did I mention just how well I work under pressure....  
  
BEAST: Then I would like to nominate Storm.  
  
PROFESSOR: WILL YOU TWO PAY ATTENTION TO ME?!! I AM NOT A PIECE OF FURNITURE!!! I...  
  
ICEMAN: Where IS Storm, anyways? I haven't seen her at all yet.  
  
JEAN: Just give me a second.  
  
Jean mentally searches for Storm while the professor continues to rant and rave without a single person noticing.  
  
JEAN: She's meditating on the roof. I'll tell her to come inside.  
  
Storm enters, glances at the professor who is now turning a dark shade of purple, shrugs her shoulders and goes up to Jean.  
  
STORM: Yes, Jean. Is it time for me to play the part of Pail?  
  
JEAN: Not exactly. You see, the director died...  
  
STORM: What?  
  
JEAN: And we've nominated you to be the new director.  
  
STORM: Please tell me you're kidding.  
  
JEAN: Sorry.  
  
STORM: Robert?  
  
ICEMAN: Nope.  
  
STORM: Henry?  
  
BEAST: Sorry, Ororo. I declared the man dead not ten minutes ago.  
  
Storm once again looks to Jean, then Bobby, then Beast, then makes a break for it.  
  
ROGUE: I got ya!  
  
STORM (struggling savagely): I absolutely refuse to play any such part in this insanity!!  
  
KIDS (pitiful whiny voices): Awww! But you gotta do it! Us'n a lotta other kids will be sooooo heartbroken if you guys don't finish the last episode!  
  
STORM (pausing): Do you truly mean that?  
  
KIDS (snivelling): Y..y..yes! Waaaaaaaaahhh!!!  
  
STORM (alarmed): Hush, children! Don't cry! I'll make sure that this episode is finished for you, alright?  
  
KIDS: Gosh, thanks lady! You're the best!  
  
STORM (beaming): Think nothing of it, children.  
  
Storm goes off to talk to Jean.  
  
KIDS (whispering amongst themselves): Ha ha! Sucker! Now for sure we'll get our paycheques for this episode! Yay!  
  
(Yeah, I know they're rotten little kids, but hey, everybody's gotta make a living.)  
  
* * *  
  
STORM: Alright everyone, quiet down.  
  
The noise continues. Deafening thunder booms above the building. Quiet ensues.  
  
STORM: That is better. Now, everyone take your places.  
  
ICEMAN: Hey, Storm! Since I can't be the director, can I be your assistant? I can get you coffee and danishes and stuff an' help keep the others in line for you!  
  
WOLVERINE: Watch what yer saying, Icepop! There's no way a little runt like you is gonna be keeping ME in line.  
  
STORM: Logan, please! I guess you can be my assistant, Robert. But please try and keep quiet, alright?  
  
ICEMAN: Alright!!  
  
STORM: Since I am now the director...  
  
Storm gives Hank and Jean dirty looks. Jean puts on an innocent expression and Hank begins to whistle softly.  
  
STORM: ...someone else will have to play the part of Pail.   
  
There is much nervous shuffling among the X-Men. Rogue and Remy start inching toward the door.  
  
STORM: I was going to choose the Professor, but he is unable to play the part since he passed out from all his ranting and raving.   
  
JUBILEE: Oh! Oh! Can I be Pail?  
  
The rest of the X-Men look relieved.  
  
STORM (astonished): YOU are actually volunteering?  
  
JUBILEE (pouting): Well, everyone else gets to be in it. Why can't I?  
  
(Note: It was unanimously voted that the Perriwinkle footage be dumped.)  
  
STORM: But how are you supposed to act with your legs still frozen?  
  
JEAN: I can move her telekinetically around the stage!  
  
STORM: Alright, then. Jubilee, you are now Pail. Logan, we need Shovel on the stage now, please.  
  
WOLVERINE: I ain't doin' it.  
  
JEAN: But Logan! We all agreed to it at the very beginning!  
  
WOLVERINE: Sorry, darlin'. Ain't nothin' personal, but I just ain't doin' it.   
  
STORM: Is that your final decision, Logan?  
  
WOLVERINE: Sure is, darlin'.  
  
STORM (eyes narrowing): Then I will be forced to make you do it.  
  
WOLVERINE (returning her stare): Give it yer best shot.  
  
Everyone backs away and ducks for cover as Storm's eyes turn white and she looks heavenward.  
  
A megahuge bolt of lightning blasts through the roof and hits Logan. The explosion is deafening, and when it's over, we see Logan standing in the middle of huge black circle of burnt floor. His hair is standing on end, his clothes are smouldering, and his cigar has disintigrated to ashes.  
  
WOLVERINE (spitting out cinders): Nice shot, darlin'. Still ain't doin' it, though.  
  
JEAN (telepathically): I've got an idea, Ororo. Tell Scott to dance.  
  
STORM (thinking): What? How is that going to persuade Logan?  
  
JEAN (telepathically): Just do it. And tell him not to stop until you tell him to.  
  
STORM: Fine. Scott, please dance for us.  
  
CYCLOPS: Huh?  
  
JEAN: You know, dear. Like you had to at the beginning of the shoot.  
  
CYCLOPS: But the script doesn't call for it now...  
  
STORM: Just do it, Scott! And don't stop until I tell you to!  
  
Scott starts shimmying. Logan starts to snicker. Scott shimmies some more. Logan starts to laugh. Scott starts singing the stupid little song. Logan collapses, gasping for air.  
  
WOLVERINE: HAHAHAHAHAHA...gasp....Hahahaha...okay...okay Ro....hahahahahah....gasp....you win....gaaasssp...hahahaha...just make him stop....bwahahahahahah!!!!  
  
OTHER X-MEN (looking rather sick): Oh God, Ororo! PLEASE make him stop!!!  
  
STORM: That's enough, Scott.  
  
Scott stops. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.  
  
WOLVERINE: I guess I'm playin' shovel, then.  
  
* * *  
  
I'm sorry the story's not finished. It's taking longer than I thought it would. Sigh. My poor muse is going to have to be caged up just a little longer. (even more grumbling is heard from the corner). I know, I know. I'll get you some more Twinkies later, 'kay? (He stops grumbling, but still looks sullen.) Sigh. There's just no pleasing some people...  
  
  
Acknowledgement goes to Stormfreak for suggesting that Storm be the new director. I know you were just joking, but it was a good idea nonetheless! Thanks!  
  
I swear the next chapter will be the last one, okay! 


	8. last chapter

Firstly, I must apologize for the lateness of this chapter. The computer died. Yes, my husband who has a college certificate in computer programming and a university degree in computer science stated in his own technical terms that "the computer died". The useless hunk of silicon has spent the last week and a half in the computer hospital undergoing intensive surgery and having some organs replaced, but now it is finally up and running. That little hunk of silicon is also my only link to the net and the outside world, so YAAAAYYY!!! I'm back on-line!   
  
Well, here's the last chapter, and about time too! My insane cackling is reeeaaaally starting to scare my husband. As for my muse, I set him free. He deserves some time off (don't worry - I implanted a radio transmitter in him so I can track him down in the future). Aaaaanywaaays, on with the insanity!!  
  
* * *  
  
In this scene, Scott, Hank, Wolverine and Jubilee are all out in the backyard. Wolverine and Jubes, as Shovel and Pail, are having an argument about their toy cars.  
  
JUBILEE: My car is the fastest!  
  
WOLVERINE: In yer dreams, kid!  
  
CYCLOPS: Hi Shovel! Hi Pail! What are you doing?  
  
WOLVERINE: Leaving.  
  
STORM: Logan!  
  
JUBILEE: We're playin' with cars, and we can't decide who's is the fastest!  
  
CYCLOPS: Why don't you have a race?  
  
JUBILEE (enthusiastically): What a great idea!  
  
Logan snorts. Storm shushes him. In the meantime, nobody notices that Hank has been fiddling with the cars and has affixed little jet propulsion units on them.  
  
JUBILEE: Let's set up the cars for the race! C'mon, Shovel!  
  
WOLVERINE: Grrrrr.....  
  
STORM: Scott!  
  
Scott starts to shimmy a little.  
  
WOLVERINE: Alright! Alright! Where do we set up the damn cars, kid?  
  
CYCLOPS: How about over here?  
  
WOLVERINE: I wasn't talkin' to YOU, bub.  
  
JUBILEE: How about here?  
  
They get the cars and starting line set up, and Scott stands in as the referee.  
  
CYCLOPS: On your mark...get set....get reaaaally set....get really reeeaaallly set...  
  
WOLVERINE: *snikt*  
  
CYCLOPS: Go!!!  
  
They start the cars. The jet engines ignite, and the cars take off and slam into Scott's ankles.  
  
CYCLOPS: OOOOOOOWWWWWWWCCCHHH!!! #$#@@@#$$%%%&#@@@#!!!!!  
  
WOLVERINE: Who won?  
  
CYCLOPS: #$$#%%%#$@@@!!!  
  
JUBILEE: I think it's a tie.  
  
CYCLOPS: #$$%%@#@@@$#!!!  
  
WOLVERINE: I hate ties. Let's try again.  
  
JUBILEE: 'kay!  
  
Scott blasts the cars before they can grab them.  
  
WOLVERINE: Shit.  
  
JUBILEE: Yeah! Now how are we supposed to find out which car's the fastest?  
  
STORM: It does not matter. Let us move onto the next scene.  
  
* * *  
  
In this scene, Scott is looking for the third clue. As he is talking to Blue, a pawprint jumps onto his chest.   
  
KIDS: A clue! A clue!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: What? My shoe? There's nothing wrong with it...  
  
KIDS: No, dipwad! THERE'S A CLUE!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: Oh! A Clue! Where's the clue? I don't see the clue!  
  
ICEMAN: That was perfect!   
  
CYCLOPS: Where's the clue?  
  
STORM: That is quite enough, Scott.  
  
CYCLOPS: No, really! Where's the clue? I don't see it!  
  
KIDS: AAAAAARRRGGHHH!!!  
  
ICEMAN: Hmmm. I think I can see why the other director got so annoyed...  
  
Hank picks Scott up by his shirt collar and carries him over to the mirror.   
  
CYCLOPS: Er...thanks, Blue.  
  
BEAST: woof.  
  
Scott looks in the mirror and sees a pawprint.   
  
CYCLOPS: Oh! The mirror is a clue!  
  
Hank smacks himself in the forehead. There are echoing slaps as the kids do the same.  
  
BEAST (whispering): Look down, you over-developed amoeboid!   
  
Scott looks down and sees the pawprint on his chest.  
  
CYCLOPS: Oh! I'M the clue!  
  
KIDS: THAT'S what we've been trying to TELL you! SHEEESH!!   
  
Scott ignores that remark.  
  
CYCLOPS: Let's write this clue down in our 'handy-dandy' notebook!  
  
KIDS: Why don't you try using your 'handy-dandy' brain instead?  
  
CYCLOPS: Jeaa-aann! They're picking on me again!  
  
JEAN: Just ignore them, Scott.   
  
CYCLOPS (sulkily): 'kay.   
  
Jean telekenetically helps Scott draw the clue down in the notebook, just so we don't end up with another roadkill picture.  
  
CYCLOPS: Alright kids, that was our third clue!  
  
KIDS: We're surprised you can count that high!  
  
CYCLOPS (ignoring them cause his wife told him to): And what do we do when we have our third clue?  
  
KIDS (sighing): You go to the thinking chair.   
  
CYCLOPS: That's right! To the Blackbird! Er...I mean...to the thinking chair!  
  
Scott goes to the living room and plops down on the thinking chair. Hank sits down beside it.   
  
CYCLOPS: Okay. Now what does Blue want to do with a balloon, a party hat, and me?  
  
KIDS: We knew the answer a long time ago, but we'll let you try and figure it out, okay? We think your brain could use the excercise.  
  
CYCLOPS: Hmmmm....could she want me to put the party hat on the balloon and draw my face on it?  
  
KIDS: Not even close.  
  
CYCLOPS: Hmmmm....could she want ME to wear the party hat and cover myself with balloons?  
  
KIDS: Let us guess. You got your brain at a yard sale, right?  
  
ICEMAN (to Storm): Gee! Scott really learned his lines well, didn't he?  
  
STORM: Actually Robert, none of this is in the script.  
  
ICEMAN: You mean he's actually trying to figure this out on his own?   
  
STORM: I'm afraid so.  
  
ICEMAN: Oh, boy. Are you sure he and the real Steve aren't related?  
  
STORM: It IS possible that they're related, somehow. After all, Summers DNA seems to be everywhere these days.   
  
ICEMAN: Yeah. It's possible that even WE have Summers DNA.  
  
Both Ororo and Bobby shudder at that thought.  
  
CYCLOPS: Hmmm...could Blue want me to....  
  
KIDS: BLUE WANTS YOU TO THROW A PARTY!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: Really? I would never have guessed that!  
  
KIDS: AAAAAARRRGGGH!!!  
  
Scott turns to Hank.  
  
CYCLOPS: Blue! Do you really want me to get some party hats and some balloons and throw a party?  
  
BEAST: woof.  
  
CYCLOPS (dancing): We just figured out Blue's Clues, we just figured out Blue's Clues, we just figured out Blue's Clues, cause we're really smart!  
  
STORM: Er...Scott, it wasn't really necessary for you to dance this time.  
  
CYCLOPS: But I'm starting to like it!   
  
STORM: Well, please restrain yourself next time. Your dancing is making some of the people here ill.  
  
CYCLOPS: Oh, okay.  
  
Ten minutes passes.  
  
CYCLOPS: Hey! Did you insult me?  
  
STORM (sarcastically): No Scott, I did not insult you.  
  
CYCLOPS: Oh, okay.  
  
Another ten minutes passes...  
  
CYCLOPS: Wait a minute...!  
  
JEAN: SCOTT!!  
  
CYCLOPS: What?!  
  
STORM: Say 'Goodbye'!  
  
CYCLOPS: Why?  
  
STORM: Just say it!  
  
CYCLOPS: Er...okay...goodbye.  
  
STORM: WE'RE DONE!  
  
CYCLOPS: We're done?  
  
JEAN: YES!!! The show is over!!! The filming is over!!! We can go home now! YAAAAYYY!!!!  
  
ALL THE X-MEN (except Cyclops): YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!  
  
JEAN: Er...why aren't you cheering, Scott?  
  
CYCLOPS (nearly in tears): But...but...I was just starting to like it. You know, the dancing, the singing, the whole clue-finding bit.  
  
ALL X-MEN: ........?  
  
CYCLOPS (suddenly cheery): I know! I'll just do one more dance for old time's sake, okay?  
  
ALL X-MEN (while running away): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
CYCLOPS: Fine. I'll just dance by myself. (starts singing) Now it's time for so long....  
  
The professor suddenly jerks awake in his hoverchair. He sees Scott dancing, and then sees the last of the X-Men as they rapidly exit the building.  
  
CYCLOPS: ...but we'll sing one more song...  
  
PROFESSOR: WAIT FOR MEEEEEEE!!!!!  
  
All of a sudden, the real Blue appears on the set!  
  
BLUE: Bow wow...(SPLAT!!)  
  
PROFESSOR (scraping blue guts off his hoverchair): Finally got that damn dog!  
  
CYCLOPS: ...and with me and you, and my dog Blue....  
  
PROFESSOR: AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!  
  
As the professor escapes this inhumane torture, I whisk the readers away to the mansion to save them as well.  
  
* * *  
  
EPILOGUE  
  
The people down at Nick Jr. had a DNA test done on some blood that they extracted from Steve's corpse, and it turns out that he was actually another of Scott's brothers. So Scott is going to quit the X-Men and join the Blue's Clues cast for an all-new season. That won't run till next fall, so in the meantime they're auditioning a bunch of cartoon characters for the new show. Mr. Ketchup and Mrs. Mustard have already got parts, and E-Mail the computer is going to replace Mailbox. As for Blue, they're planning on painting Magenta blue and letting her take over as the star of the show.  
  
As for the X-men, Jean finally acknowledged Scott as the loser he really is, and is finally getting it on with Wolverine. Hank spent three days in the infirmary, recovering from a sugar hangover (a truckload of twinkies will do that to ya). Professor X had to have his hoverchair repainted since the blue stain would just not come off. As for the rest of the X-Men, they vowed never to speak of the Blue's Clues incident again.   
  
THE END (thank goodness!) 


End file.
